Jan Wong's book Out of the Blue: a memoir of workplace depression, recovery, redemption and yes, happiness was a serious starting point within me to understanding my depression.
I listened to her talk about it on CBC in the late spring of 2012. I gained some clarity on my situation but I also got a lot more scared, I could see what had been happening to me not for a couple of years due to insane amounts of life changing stress all at once but was something that had been part of me for a very, very long time.
I was diagnosed by my GP with depression in 2010, but I took this to be situational because my mother had died recently as had my father-in-law and both of the deaths were very involved and emotionally draining beyond that my fourth son had been born, my faithful hound Laika had died, I was in a new marriage, I was renovating a house, there was a new blended family, work was hard to keep on an even keel, and I was not living in a city I particularly like. I no end of reasons to justify why I was in a stressed mood that lead to a depression. I could confidently expect that once things were better in my life the depression would go away as well.
I do not think I really accepted my diagnosis at the time and I think the Welbutrin worked more as a placebo for me because I believed at the heart of things I was not a depressed person but then I heard Jan Wong speak on the radio. It hit me like a ton of bricks. but even then I was not ready to accept what being depressed really meant for me, it took another two years before I really started doing something about it. Even as recently as March of 2014 I was still in denial about how bad it is.
The book is one I recommend to people to read.
I would write more, but I am doing some stuff with my boys this evening and I need to prep for it.
Happy - 3
Energy - 4 - I had insomnia last night, I really did not get to sleep till around
Stress - 7, I think it will rise as the day goes on